plz dont laugh

ok im kinda trying to write a book and was hoping i could post parts of it here so plz read my prelude(still needs some work i think) and tell me what you think. it has a major warcraft feel to it(i hope). oh and if you have ever wanted to see something in a book plz tell me all ideas are welcome

And here we go

We start our story with a massacre
The first siege of Oridan’s Rest didn’t even last one day, the city was caught unaware in the dead of the night by the swarm of orcs that had breached it defences.
It is true that over time the humans of the region had become lax in their vigil against the dark horde but Oridan’s Rest was not a fairy tale castle it was a bastion of strength and might, a citadel of iron and steel, stone and marble.
Its elegant towers that grasped for the sky and broad walls that could stop the very oceans were turned to rubble in the matter of hours by the brute force of unimaginable numbers.
Once past these walls the hoard of demon birth decimated the town, butchering people while they slept or as they ran for their lives, they attacked with no bias or agenda cleaving the young and old with almost glee on their faces.
These foul beasts with brutish features are short compared to humans, only reaching to the average man shoulder but they are bullish in their form with exaggerated muscle covering their olive skinned form, their faces dominated by jutting jaws with overgrown incisors, pointed ears that mimic the elegance of elves and cruel eyes with red irises.
Their mission was simple, decimation was their goal, the destruction of every “white skin” they encounter for the promise of the chance to become a demon them selves bringing misery and agony to all they encounter.
The night seemed peaceful in the city with its much loved theatres, bazaars, elegant gardens and bustling streets. Everything appeared, as it should in this picturesque metropolis. When from the eastern gate an explosion of intense heat and light so strong that it turned the sentries blind. It engulfed the wall and when the blast was over the mighty fortification was a pile of molten slag. Then they came like a tsunami of blades and malice taking the city with only a small amount of resistance.
When morning arrived, the splendour and magnificence that the city had been once adored for was a pile of rubble and ash leaving only patches of unscathed beauty in the midst of desolation and desecrations.
Hidden within one of these untouched beauties, a temple to God of love, hid two boys, one was the crown prince Gerald Sambre a spoilt boy of 14, son of the Lord Commander of the battlefronts and king of the home kingdom of Kentusui but their liege has gone, left the night before the attack with his wife to a war meeting at New Zenith, home of the portal that connects the birth world of the god born children of Laursa to Danasi the battle planes where our story takes place.
His only companion was his playmate and confidante this young man’s name is Galendor a youth more like his lords fathers than his prince, that is to say he was well liked by the soldiers of the castle and the people of the town even though he was quiet and introspective. An orphan left with monks was brought up and trained to become the prince’s companion.
These Boys Sat behind a giant statue of the goddess of love staring silently at each other contemplating what they had seen and knowing with intense fear that they had to brave the city and escape or face certain death.
They left the temple, headed for the western gates and for an hour they skulk through backstreets and alleys keeping to the shadows slowly making their way towards the western gates to freedom and safety.
All around were the signs of devastation and carnage with houses aflame burning high into the sky and bodies lying like discarded trinkets all around?
They enter gardened area called the shrine of the kings, a communal area with the crypt of the past kings in the centre that still had the memory of laughter and lovers sweet nothings in its wind hadn’t been damaged in any way its beautiful flowerbeds and winding paths interlaced with neatly trimmed bushes and clear blue lakes was a spectacle to behold for anyone who saw them.
The boys made their way through this area as quietly as they could and as they were nearing the western exit of the park they heard the rough grunt of an orc squad and dived under the closest underbrush.
They were arguing about having to hunt down a pair of white skin children and not being able to steal precious loot
Suddenly the door to a small building set aside for equipment bursts open and a giant metal titan storms out towards the orcs and starts hacking away with blades connected a multitude of arms.
The squad sets upon their man shaped attacker with equal ferocity lacking any fear and care for their own safety as if they were intent on dying and although they did put up a good fight their weapons couldn’t do much damage to the heavily armoured carapace and were killed with the slash of blades or its giant mallet like feet.
Both boys stared at the now sedate and plodding gnome titan that cleans and stop vandalism in the garden with its lithe dull metallic form of ten feet comprised of sharp edges and angles with gardening equipment ranging from shears to spades on its six arms that could move in any direction placed in sets of three on each side of its body on circular pivots that allowed arms more freedom of movement, its body a grouping of metal plates that could part to allow the machine to bend and it was set upon four sturdy looking legs that allowed easy movement on any terrain. Looking even closer he could see the cogs and pipes that made it move though they had no idea how they did, the two steam pipes that rose from its shoulders emitting small puffs of steam but had bellowed when it fought and he saw the splashes of blood over its hull that brought them to their senses.
As they run from the gardens the titan had begun to clean away the green carcases and trim the damaged shrubs and bushes seeming quite calm and subdued.
When they were at a safe distance away they clime into the wreckage of a ruined stable and watched the passing of many armoured boots.
The boys passed each other a tentative smile for they knew what these orcs where about to face
Though there hope was cut short when orcs started yelling and cheering, smashing their gauntlet covered hands against their breastplates to create an enormous din as a giant beast covered in fur the colour of snow and soot rounded a corner and headed for the gardens with hands large enough to crush a man head as easy as snapping twigs. As the group moves off and the sound of battle erupts from the gardens the boys are left looking visibly shaken.
Neither boy had ever seen a troll before but they both knew what it was and prayed silently never to se another
As they made their way to the edge of the warehouse district they hear the bellow of the troll and the cheers of its orc spectators, hearing that makes the boys move at an increased speed
The warehouse district, the oldest and darkest areas of the city with huge building designed to hold stores for the battlefront and the giant siege weapons. The alleys between buildings were dim, cluttered with garbage, discarded boxes and bodies dotted between but they did allow the boys a relatively safe trip to the western gates.
As they arrived they already knew that their escape would not be through that exit.
The noise and stench of a company of greens loitered around the giant oak and iron engraved gates.
The group wasn’t just of orc birth. Their were also the short skinny goblins being bossed and bullied into the menial work, the squat bulky kobolds they could be described as furry by anyone unaware of their vicious nature, they also have an aversion to light and keep to the shadows, the third race that intermingled in the group were the hobgoblins a race that the human alliance know very little about bar that they are rangy, always keep their faces covered and have an uncanny ability to kill silently.
These being were part of the group but kept to their own huddling in small groups of their own kind
Just as the disheartened youths made a move to find other exits the gates began to swing inwards and through the gap swaggered a beast the size of the fabled dragons that being easily 20 foot tall, its body was a patchwork of blood red fur and charcoal coloured scales and enormous horns that jut from several parts of the body. As it entered the gate courtyard it unfurled its gargantuan wings. Each wing seemed composed of several segmented bone spears and between these hung leathery skin like parchment, clearly showing veins and blood vessels that pulsed through. It also had a tail that slammed against the cobbles of the street like a giant club covered in heavy bone plates and spikes.
The Orcs and other green skin followers fell to their knees and started praying to this fell beast and instantly Galendor realised what this savage animal must be one of the dark kings of the Orcs taken a mortal form to lead this army. This was a demon.
The demon spoke with a voice or ash demanding to know how the battle was going. His generals grovelled at his feet giving their accounts of the battle. Then the demon demanded to know the whereabouts of the child.
Gerald by this point had gone completely white and was backing further into the alley they were hiding in. losing his footing he tumbles into a stack full of crates causing a disastrous noise.
His arm was grabbed and he was sent hurtling down the alley and then Galendor swung him through the door of one of the warehouses though at that moment the heard the voice of the demon bellow for something called Dorzil to chase them down.
Galendor settled the shaking prince down behind the bundle of boxes the prince was babbling, sounding on the very edge of madness but Galendor had no words to still his crazed rambling for he himself was trying for all his might not to lose his own grip on reality.
The warehouse was large, dimly lit and contained boxes of all shapes and sizes and sitting in the centre of the warehouse was huge ballistae, the behemoth crossbow weapon kept the deepest corners of the building completely dark
Something entered the warehouse, something big and from the noise of its footfall something very heavy.
From the little light that came from the door the squire could see the monster make movements with its arms and suddenly a ball of fire appeared in its palm. They could see that the creature had origins that were orcish but it was about the size of a troll and it had horns penetrating from its shoulders and one jutting from its brow. Its skin was black as pitch but its eyes looked like they burned.
This black orc took his hand from the globe of flame and it hung in the air, it moved off to a corner away from the boys and lit another of its eerie searchlights.
The orc murmured ‘Come out my prey’ with a voice mellower than its size would dictate.
Galendor looked at his childhood friend and realised that they would not survive this encounter and these thoughts filled him with an intense anger. His skin felt on fire his arms covered in goose bumps and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. All ordered thoughts fled from his desire to fight and defend his friend, he did not run, he did hot hide, he would fight a fight he had no chance of winning and be done with his life.
He picked up a shaft of wood from a crate next to him and strode out into the clearing and waited till the black freak saw him. When Dorzil did look round and see the boy he laughed a lazy laugh ‘so there you are my young prey’.
‘If you think you are hurting my lord it will be over my dead body’ this was said with not a hint of fear and whole lot of anger.
The boy threw him self at the giant with the makeshift club over his head but before he could bring the wood down to make contact he was swatted away with the back of Dorzil giant hand. He crashed into a pile of wood and stayed still for a moment waiting for his head to stop spinning.
When his head cleared he was amazed to find none of his bones were broken, in fact he felt very little pain at all he rummaged around a crate next to him for a new weapon and felt his hand grip a pommel of a sword, a bit giddy he laughed as he gets to his feet.
Looking at him like something of intrigue the orc answers his laughter’ I’ll give you that you have guts but you should know I’m not here for your pip squeak prince I’m here for you’
‘Then come get me freak’ the words came before Galendor could stop them and he held aloft his sword. The orc burst into a fit of laughter and for the first time the young squire looked at the blade it was a foot long with an ornate pommel and handle wrought of gold into a dragon shape. The wings made the pommel its tail part of the handle and its neck and head part of the blade.
‘Nice knife midget’ baulked the onyx giant. This made the rage he felt really fierce and he felt a surge of power down his arm. And he saw his arm glowed and the light flowed into the blade. The blade for a minute did nothing then it started vibrating and slowly grew and reshaped it self flowing from a dagger into a sword the length of a man’s arm but weighting no more than the dagger it had been.
‘I grow bored of this, the master said he wants you alive but he said nothing about you being in one piece or your gutless sire, so I’m taking your pretty sword and I’m taking the runts life’. As he said this he pulled his sword from its sheath across its back it was larger than the boy by half a foot and serrated for increased pain, it was a weapon designed for one purpose and that was to maim and kill.
‘Prepare to die boy’.
‘Stop talking you egotistical freak and face me’ screamed the young man.
Dorzil gave a deafening war cry and attacked’.

aaaaahahahahahahah :p Naah haven't read it yet. I'm gonna take time, when I get spare time I'll concentrate and read it. This is one of the things that I'm gonna take it seriously and concentrate. Thx Tez for sharing with us your work

Tezicberok(jester) wrote:ok im kinda trying to write a book and was hoping i could post parts of it here so plz read my prelude(still needs some work i think) and tell me what you think. it has a major warcraft feel to it(i hope). oh and if you have ever wanted to see something in a book plz tell me all ideas are welcome

that's awesome tez

I'll try to get around reading that humoungous post this weekend

Lol walls of text put me off i'll read it soon

well i read some of it and so far i think its good i'm taking it thats an introduction but i think it lacked stuff as where this is set on earth or w/e what time period.
there mission was to kill white skins racist fuks

xumi read it all and post what im missing

I like the story, your descriptions of the city really makes pictures bloom in my head. I'd like to know more!!

But you have to figure out if you're telling the story in past or present form, the jumps between past and present in the text is very confusing. But besides that, I'd say it's well written.

I don't mind that you have to think and guess a little about the world the story's going on in, and I like the hints about the world outside this city that you give, when explaining where one of the young boys' father has gone. Unfortunately, right now I can't recall the prince/spoiled boys name, since they both start with a G , but I expect to connect more with them during the next chapter.

(I really knock my head against my lacking english-skills, when trying to explain what my impression of this is. But I hope you get my point. Or else I'll have to get my dictionary and post you some clever adjectives )

thanx v
actually i have to admit these characters only appear in the beginning chapter, its a bit confusing but ill explain later in the book

Tez first of all gratz m8. It's not an easy task to write a story. Well at least I can't.
I've got some opinions as a novice Warcraft reader. You can take them in considiration or not it's all up to you.
Imagination brilliant and I liked that. But...
Although description and hints of the places and characters are so useful for readers to imagine, I think some of them have being used on wrong places. I know it's confusing that's because of my poor English but let me give you an example...
An action going on and reader is getting excited and curious about what's gonna happen then bam! a bit long of description/hint gets on the way and Reader might think 'So whats going on next, what happened to the action?' I'm not sure if I could describe it well... hold on let's say Horde enters a castle, they're gonna slaughter ppl and a commander of an alliance stands on the way and they look at eachother then err Castle is made up 4 corners, there are some flowers on the ground... and this is going a bit longer then this, so 'what happaned to the fight between those 2 fgs!' Did you understand what I mean now? In some places what you did is ok but as I said in some places it's a bit odd, losing my interest to the story tbh. Maybe you could give some hints regarding to castle and around before horde gets in to the castle, so reader would imagine it beforehand, then horde could get into castle and action goes on all the way. What do you think?

Yeah i get what you mean i can see how that can be annoying ill think on it and try to rewright it.
the comments are great its good to see how i can improve it